Never Be Forgotten♥

Woo, Recently Feeling so SHAG and Tired. my whole body is aching and espically my legs is wobbly.. my leg is super tired de lurh ! OMG ! Cannot stand.....But i had a enjoyable day for the last few days ! haha.. I enjoy in my school, i enjoy being with him !

I am so Surprise the last wed , he came down, i was so freaking shock, but i was rather happy to see him, but he ignored my message always , during this few months he had been ignoring and not replying me my message. wondering why??? but thursday , he was sick, i ignored him, because i was so fed up with him, and didn't even wan to look at him or talk to him, until he open his mouth to talk to him first.. he was so sick, i am so worried, he looks super blur and the face is super pale.. the next day on friday, i went to visit him at his house,because my school was just nearby his house, i took bus to his house, and i had be a maid for 1 whole day for him lol. DAMN IT,so tired. but is enjoyable and a long day with him,this is my first time had a long day with him, i am so happy to see him for one whole day, is really enjoyable and is really memorable to me.. he is just like my everything, although i couldn't have him everyday and see him everyday, but i hope he would maintain this kind of attitidue towards me always like this, i hate him to change here and there of the attitidues towards him, is making me fuck up.. i hope he would really treat me for the better and better, or maintain this way like the last few days... although,we didn't have much time being together, but if sometime we could be like this , i would be very grateful to you and happy already. but maybe is not a easy task for u.. hais, this 2 weeks maybe would not have chance to see you, SAD D: i would definetly miss you alot alot ! D: OH MY DARLING, I WILL MISS YOU!!

Woo, today have a short day in school, and now is only afternoon 1pm ++ & i am already at home.. hehe.. today school till 12pm only, so went home straight, so tiring .. yawn.. feel like taking a nap ! haha lols..

I LOVE YOU !My love for you is getting deeper and deeper..

Stop my posting here ! :D tmr a long day in school. ! YAWN !

A Tired Day Yesterday,but Glad That School End at 12pm. After that went to tampines mrt station to meet up with shin ying & also kheng li..then we headed to orchard as shin ying wanted to change something , so we went there for awhile then headed back to admiralty. went for our lunch at food court & i went off with jolin to meet other ex-classmate of 4t1,09 & we back to Admiralty secondary school to visit our teacher , stall vendors,schoolmate,ex-classmate & the security guard !! hahaha. we went in and there was no teacher help us to sign in , but i spotted mr lin to help us to sign in ! wahaha !! & finally we got in to ADSS ! We went to Canteen to have a seat and bought some drinks to sit down and talk and manage to find few teachers out after there meeting.. although only had a short time talking with them, but is enjoyable & fun for yesterday..i took some of video of the scene over there haha. a very funny video with all my craps .. haha ..

took quite alot of photo's with some of my ex-classmate !! haha let's see ! :D

i Guess is time for me to Move On and continue the marathon !! Thanks for My Friends Being there for me,teachers & him to wake me up from my dead soul.. And a big thanks to him that he called me at the late midnight when i had something terrible happen on me ! Thanks alot to him that he willing to lend me his listening ears to listen to what troubles i am troubling at, although he didn't really know how to console or talk well, but i think is already very good that he lend me his listening ears to me by listening all the things i had been troubling and happening on. i really want to thanks him alot. although sometimes he is bad towards me and sometime looks like dun even concern about me, but now i understand, is because he have been busying this few months and even though he had change in something,but maybe he didn't know how to express himself to me and concern about me, maybe he think that  lending me his listening ears would be better.. Boys/Mans always didn't like to express their feelings.. and we can't force them too..

I believe i didn't love and choose the wrong guy now.i choose to love you and you are the one & only. as long as i can love you, i will still love you..You are my everything to me now..i will understand u better now.although we had a little time together, but i am very happy to see you & being with you a short time..but i am still very very happy.. & although we didn't had much things to talk about, but i believe ur heart is still with me & my heart is still always on you..Give me time i will understand you more,hope u dun make me dissappoint in you again .. Sometime i wish to have a longer time with you, but i know is impossible for you to do it.. but i will appreciate that i can have a little time with you sometime, to talk to you and dun let my feelings fade. although is a big wrong to love you, but i had choose to love you as long i can..even loving you for years , i will. unless i met until a better guy then you .. but my love for you now is true and will never be replace.. i dun wanna bother about what ppl say, but i just love you ! the character of yours is the dream guy of mine, but if i could take away ur biased and sometime of ur attitidue and ur fierce face, it would be really perfect guy for me !! you are the dude i wan !

if i could love you forever, i will ! if i could spend my life with you, i would also ! but everything is just my imagination, it will never come true and nobody could predict the future !!!

stop my posting here !! goodnight reader's !

i am really feeling very very down and low.my life really sucks, i mess up alot alot of things..i didn't do anything well at all. i am a shit ! i shouldn't be exist in this world.because is really sucks, life sucks..i really don't know what to do !!

My Family Don't know what i really wanted ! They gave me freedom,money and dote on me .. But this is not i wanted !!! i just want a warm family that i could also lie on forever or even when i am tired or down. . but now this house is no longer my house, this is just only a place for me to sleep and use computer ! All this is not i want ! What i wan is my family motivation , more concern about me & will always be there for me. Not nagging and always scolding me when i ask them or even wanted to tell them something !! but i can nvr tell them about my feelings or about my relationship stuff or even most of my school stuffs !

last Few years In admiratly secondary school, At least i got some of my teacher's Care , Concern ,Dote on me & their love towards me ! i believe they use their true of their heart to concern and care about me.. they are my listening ears,they gave me advice,opinion,Cheer me up when i am down,Give me alot alot of concern when i am sick or injured.. even i am MC, they would ask about me.. i Can never forget all this teachers ! as long as i am alive, they meant to me alot and alot !! they can never be replace ! now i feel that my teacher's is better then my family..Even when i am down or sad or having troubles, they will definetly know and ask me.and they are willing to lend me their listening ears and listen to me and give me advice with a soft voice. I feel warm in there.but i feel nothing in my family at all and in this house !

If Dun have Those ADSS teacher, there will not be any charmaine ong now ! and this charmaine ong will get such a wonderful results for N level.. they are my motivation and my everything !! without them , i am nothing, i will maybe become a playful and naughty girl with no life ! although i think alot for my future, but i didn't get to achieve it, maybe my dreams and goals are too big and too far.. and i always do till half, didn't complete the whole marathon at all..

Now i feel all my motivation and support is lost.. everything had simply lost.. my teacher is not there for me always since the day i graduated from there. but i knew when i need help, i could find them. but i no longer will have someone like them to be there for me when i need them..no longer anymore ! i need to rely on myself now, got to stand up on myself and move on..i think i shouldn't think far anymore ! because is hopeless,is just a dream.. a shattered dream ! i am lost and confused,i really don't know what to do anymore.. my head really hurts,somtime i really feel i shouldn't had exist in this world .. this world is not for me at all..is for a more useful person to have be here, not me not me ! i really sucks ! ..i am feeling dead soon..i am not myself anymore. i am lost girl,who lost everything and her path of way to go.. no longer use to be the charmaine ong that everybody knows, the girl who always laugh,joke around,cheering up and making jokes to cheer ppl around me and the girl that use to be happy go lucky. i am no longer all of the above ! i just wanna be alone now,i just wanna leave here.i wanna go aboard, i dun wish to stay here anymore..i will gone crazy soon if i dun leave here.. i know leaving is a avoiding of all my troubles, but i really don't know what to do. my head now really hurts.. all i can do now is cry and cry ! cry till i blind ?? i am afraid of darkness & can't see the ppl i love anymore !! so whats the use now? i am a useless girl.no life,no everything !

i am just alone,i kept everything in myself.. my troubles is adding and adding up more and more ! he dun even know what i wan, he no longer concern about me anymore..and i didn't let him know anything about my stuff,because even i tell him, he can't even do anything or maybe he dun even understand at all.what can i do? sometime i just need someone to listen to my troubles and everything.i need a shoulder to cry on and lie on when i am tired.but is it him?? i don't think so. he is no longer the guy i use to know...i really hope he is the one there is there for me when i need someone, but he isn't there for me at all.. what for i still need him?? to him, i am just nothing to.. so now i am left with nothing , but maybe i am left with something, a room for me to sleep... that's all ! no more already ! everything is the end, i lost everything just this one month or even weeks..if i could sleep forever, i dun need to think anymore ! but i will only left with something i wan to do, before sleeping forever,.. the thing is hope to see mr edwin teo again and seeing my teachers and friend and could occupy him for one whole day to be with me, and be mine guy for just one day. and i will have no regret anymore ! maybe ppl think i am avoiding, you can said that, but because i really had left with no choice and duno what to do ! feeling helpless every moment !!

i just wan to tell my parent, he got nth to do with me , i can't help that i fall in love in someone that is not suitable for me.. if i can control , i would control myself, but i couldn't ! lifeless !

my eye hurts,my head hurts but my heart more hurts ! just like a blade just insert through my heart..

stop my post here !